I recently had a discussion about this topic online with somebody, to which they rejected the notion that polyamory could be healthy or acceptable because "if you love somebody, you would never want to be with someone else" and "your partner must not love you if they let you do that". He proceeded to tell me that my love for a certain somebody wasn't genuine because I do not feel as if I'm in love nearly 4 years down the road. I beg to differ.
A few years ago I came across the theory of limerance. When reading about it, it made full and total sense to me.
Healthy relationships do have steamy moments but not 24 hours a day. Most relationships start out much more intense in the beginning. This intense time is called "limerance." Limerance is the time when everything appears magical, wonderful and so alive. It's natural to experience these exciting feelings during the initial stages of a relationship. The problem occurs when people choose their partners based only on strong physical feelings and believe they will experience these exhilarating emotions until the end of time. If the intensity of feelings begins to diminish, they immediately start believing they are "falling out of love." In fact, many individuals go from relationship to relationship searching for that perfect romantic fervor. They are motivated by the memory of that initial adrenaline rash, causing their relationships to peter out after 2-3 years when the surge slows. Like any type of rash, adrenaline is fine if enjoyed in moderation. However, if it's just the "rash" one is seeking, true healthy love may never be experienced. (Katz, 1999)
Her paper goes on to explain a little more in detail the nature of fireworks and fizzle in relationships, so I suggest going to read the rest for yourself because it's fantastic.
But my point remains.. love is flexible. I applaud those who are able to share their love with more than one person. It's an amazing feeling.
Source:
Katz, D. (1999). Relationships: Fireworks or fizzle?. Lesbian News, 24(12), 24.
